Hello
I'm Kystri, creator of Candles in the Fog. I am a small streamer on Twitch with a knack for positivity and an appreciation for the color pink. I have two small dogs, Ciri and Pluto, who sometimes steal the show. I primarily stream Dead by Daylight and play both Killer and Survivor. I have been a Mikaela main since she entered the Fog, and as a result, she is the face of Candles in the Fog.
My Story
My passion for Candles in the Fog stems deeply from my personal experiences with suicide and mental health. When I was fourteen, I lost my brother to suicide. This loss had profound effects on my family and myself. The many other survivors of suicide loss out there will understand the devastation of losing someone dear to you in this way— all of the questions, grief, and guilt that come along with it. These feelings deeply affected me during my childhood and beyond.
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When I was twenty-five, my mother also took her life. No words will ever properly describe the emotional pain and grief I experienced from this. The period following this loss is a time I can only really remember in flashes. I recall that I had just had my wisdom teeth removed the week prior to losing my mom. I had to travel to make it to her funeral, and one of my most vivid memories from that is of spitting out some of my stitches into a hotel sink just before leaving for the service with my dad. I was wearing a black dress that my mom had offered me from her closet a few years prior. I had no idea I had picked out what I would be wearing to her funeral. To this day it breaks my heart to think about.
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In truth, my memories from the months following the loss of my mother feel much like I was wandering through a fog. Trying to move forward, struggling with direction, and being weighed down by a great despair outside of my control. This truly was the darkest time of my life. Funny enough, a few weeks after losing my mom is the first time I played Dead by Daylight and even though I don't remember that time very well, I feel that it helped me begin to make my way out of that darkness. Five months later I had the idea of streaming, and three months after that I finally had the courage to start. I am beyond grateful that I had found something to feel passionate about— to give me a reason to be here.
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Tragically, nearly two years later I lost another family member to suicide. While it has been eight months since then and we are all doing better now, this has been an extremely difficult thing to go through again. Being there for support and helping to plan and attend a funeral in the same place I said my final goodbyes to my mother took its toll on my mental health. This is a struggle that I have never been vocal about until now. So many who know me recognize me as a positive, bubbly person. While this is true, I am also privately facing a mental health battle, and some days are hard to get through.
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No matter the time that passes, these experiences of loss never leave me. There are days that they weigh me down heavily, and days that they feel a bit lighter, but no matter what I always carry them with me. For me, Candles in the Fog is an act of strength for which I am taking my experiences, lifting them, and hoping from the bottom of my heart that I can use them to make a difference for somebody else.